anecdote

- What is the groove on the tablet, dividing it in half?.
- If a person is very ill and can not swallow a pill, it is inserted in the ass and twist screwdriver.

The lesson of sex education.
Teacher: - Children, we begin to study an interesting subject. Very soon,.
in our class boys interested in girls, and girls.
boys.
Little Johnny: - Maria Ivanovna, but can those who have already fucked, go play in the.
football?.

Walks into a bar completely naked lady. Fits to the bar, sits down. The bartender looks at it carefully. She told him:.
- Well, Che staring at? .
- Yes, a woman is what I 've seen. I was just wondering where you 'll get the money.

Without taking his eyes off the tables, which were false nails, eyelashes, wig and false teeth, he wept and prayed,.
- Lord, save me from what will come out of the bathroom!.

- What's wrong with your hands?! .

Prosecutor:.
- The defendant committed the crime of rare courage, skill and wealth of imagination.
defendant:.
- There is no need to praise me, I still will not confess!.

The inscription at the entrance to the office neuropsychiatrist: ...

Tea can be brewed 7 times. On the eighth tea leaves float to look at this redneck!.

A man comes home and the wife's mother calls from the doorway:.
- Pour me, mom, 50 grams of vodka.
- Are you really ohrenel?.
- And for that I give 500 rubles!.
Mother-in-law agreed, and poured vodka.
- And pour me, mom, 50 more.
- You go the limit!.
- Here is tyscha.
Mother-in-law took the money and poured vodka.
- And let us, my mother, have a drink together. I had a thousand women!.
Mother-in-law agreed, and drank vodka.
- And let us, I 'll give you in the eye!.
- Are you absolutely stunned!! .
- I'm for it three thousand ladies!.
Mother-in-law agreed, and the man ka -ak stands were from the heart. Mother-in-law - with hooves.
Then the bell rings, the man picks it up, and then his wife:.
- My dear, you gave my mother a pension?.
- In the process, my dear, in the process.

We met with the accident TsRUshnik KGBshnikom on neutral ground (in.
Switzerland somewhere), we decided to drink familiarity. Sitting in a restaurant.
kvass, talking.
TsRUshnik:.
- What, you do pigs! . In.
Czechoslovakia have spoiled the whole raspberries. But already in Chile we played!.
our:.
- Chile?. September. So we were all on the potatoes!.

- Yesterday I went to bed early.
- Yes? .
- It does not matter. I went to bed yesterday!.



The test for honesty.
Insert the missing letter in a word:.
I. AE.
If you find ' KITCHEN ' you - a decent man.

Odessa banker refers to the Secretary, his right hand:.
- Fima, buy me some beautiful Dachshunds. Here's five hundred dollars.
- Five hundred dollars. - Slow Fima. - And you still want to have first-class taxes?.
- Here's another two hundred.
- So you think that the seven hundred dollars is enough?.
- Okay, I give you eight hundred, but, in my opinion, this is too much. Come at last!.
Fima hides the money in your wallet and goes to exit, but stops at the door and asks:.
- Excuse me, but what is the fees?.

Blame the woman what she did not commit, then - to give her an idea.

The lady in the store trying on dress:.
- You know, I'm a little bit of chest presses.
- It seems to me to have a very good sit!.
- No, you misunderstood me. I am a toad presses.

Rabinovich orders in the pharmacy a laxative and prevents the pharmacist that.
wants to take immediately. Pharmacist asks how far it lives.
buyer, and therefore is compounding drugs.
Once a week Rabinovich comes again, a pharmacist interested in:.
- Well, acted as it should?.
- No, two meters before.

it:.
- When going on vacation with you breakfast in bed!.
He:.
- And you blow in the morning!.
it:.
- I feel this will be my breakfast, b %% % b.

- Hey, Nicholas, where are you going with a flashlight in a pozdnotu going?.
- It is necessary to go to his fiancee.
- Well, you coward! .
- Here, here. When I first saw your wife, I immediately thought.



Mother-in-law washed his pants, the content ( and grandmother preziki ) laid out, then I slept, because I remember what to buy, t. to. were separated. 2:00 on the defensive, I nearly killed my. And then mother-in-law zalupnula ' Docha, I rzhu 2:00 long so do not laugh, but that the contents of your jeans. '.

The owner, tired of guests:.
- Soon will take the last bus!.
Guests ( in unison ):.
- Nothing, nothing, will soon be the first tram!.



The teacher:.
- Little Johnny, get out of class!.
- For what?.
- Over the door!.
- Why?.
- On the floor!.

At the fairground booth. It turns out athlete takes a lemon and squeezes out of it with one hand a glass of juice. After that, the audience looks around and asks:.
- Well, someone from the audience is ready to repeat the number?.
It turns out a puny little man, takes the already squeezed lemon and squeezes out of it two more glasses of juice. Strongman in wonder:.
- Who are you? .
- I? .

- Waiter, why am I in the soup floats a fly?.
- It's nonsense, five minutes later she had drowned.
- Yes, but it swims breaststroke!.

Masha married gathered in Vanka, and Lyuba she says:.
- ' Are you stupid? . curve '.
- ' And what of him shoot me or something. ? .

A: In 2012 in Russia, just choose the Presidents of D. A. Medvedev!.
B: Oh! .
play!.
A: You'll see, we have such a mentality, simply choose from.
pity.

The office of three men sit for an interview for a new job.
First name, comes. Conducting an interview immediately asks the question:.
- The first thing you see, looking at me?.
- Yes, it's just - you do not have ears.
- Get out and that I will not see here anymore!.
The second comes, same situation:.
- The first thing you see, looking at me?.
- Ummm, you do not have ears.
- Fuck away!.
Coming out of the second study warns of the third:.
- Listen, that you did not ask, do not say that he has no ears!.
Comes third question is totzhe:.
- The first thing you see, looking at me?.
- Do you have contact lenses!.
- My son, how did you know that I have a lens?.
- Man, are you stupid? .

Six seasons of ' Lost ', and you in the nuthouse. Several seasons of ' House', and are you the chief doctor.

- Lucy, what are you doing now?.
- All in the business!.
- I slowly take off with you all the obligations.



- Honey, let 's have sex?.
The Son is not sleeping.
- No, he sleeps.
Yes, there is the same, well, see:.
- my son, please bring some water. ( Silence ).
- well, let's.
Wild sex, a raging orgasm, both settled back in ecstasy, and suddenly a voice from the darkness.
- And how long I'll be with a mug of water to stand?.


A friend - a friend:.
- You lent Ivan three thousand dollars, and he ran off with your wife!.
- I'm not stupid enough to borrow money just.

When you open the album with a beautiful girl named ' My Pussy ', hope does not die until the last.

Waitress:.
- In the case of the collapse of the liner is fed through the anesthesia mask automatically ejected.

A friend - a friend, long vidilis:.
- How did you meet your wife?.
- First floor, I go into the elevator, she comes to me with a neck. I ask:.
' - Fourth? '.
It is ( modestly so):.
'- The second. '.
- And we went. Although it seems was the third time, and now the ninth. month.

If a Russian favorite toast, 'Well, let's go! ', Explain what he did at the start Gagarin?.

He sits with the rest of the employee and discusses a fashion magazine:.
- Oh, now back in vogue are cowards early 60.
After some thought, the entire office provides:.
- This is what happens, I now fashionable?.

Husband - wife:.
- I'm going to cook dinner!.
- Seriously?.
- With God's help.
-??.
- Will you help me, my goddess?.

Wife - grandmother - her husband, the grandfather:.
- Do you ever cheated on me?.
- It was once, in his youth. You too, Grandma, I'm sorry.
- Okay, forgive.
- Then the kiss. Well, that's good. So, forgive. By the way, and you cheated on me?.
- Ah! .
- And to be honest, as a spirit?.
- Then the kiss and forgive 15 times.

- What is the secret of a happy married life?.
- We must cherish personal secrets.

All men and all women want one thing, but sometimes there are twins.

investigator:.
- We are looking for Petrov, Ivan Sergeyevich citizen on suspicion of felony. Do you know this person?.
- Yes, this is my twin brother.
- Appearance can be described?.

Beer belly - a sign of loyalty to the men.

Rookie squad Rabinovich complained that he had stolen a piece of bacon tables. The commander is building in the barracks room and asks:.
- Which one of you stole Rabinovich bacon?.
And suddenly slaps his forehead:.
- But listen, Private Rabinowitz, Jews do not eat pork!.
- It is not for my meal, comrade Sgt.. It is me on those occasions when we make a forced march, and I rubbed blisters. I then lubricate these places bacon.
Then the commander marched orderly and appropriate reports:.
- Comrade Sergeant, Private Sidorenko tears!.

I understand why in 2012 would be the end of the world.
Just imagine: pozavylupitsya of eggs in the Sea of ​​Japan, Godzilla.
grow up. Swims to shore and say:.
- Well, Che, you know, the dragons feed. Come on give me a.
a virgin!.
The whole world is looking, looking for virgins, and finally found it! .
- What is this?.
- Virgin. Novodvorskaya.
It's a shame, yes.

In the administration of government:.
- From the tsunami in Japan?.
- The chief wanted to indulge in surfing.

- You are accused of creating an organized criminal group and.
bank robbery. What can you say in your defense?.
- Your honor, I deny the first charge! .
organize the kitchen can not!.

Rabinovich is a medical examination and was terribly nervous:.
- The doctor is asking you, do not attribute to my guns! .
I can not hear the shooting.
- Do not be afraid: they shoot so loud that you can not it does not.
hear.

Two friends:.
- Yesterday finally admitted Svetka!.
- This is the fifth - year after the wedding?!.
- What I have three mistresses!.

...
dropping from the bar to the Shoot foot freshman.

- I've got religion this semester, I did yesterday, the gospel.
read.
- So what?.
- Damn, really raised.

The doctor first cosmonaut recalled:.
- First, looking smart, but they were not very healthy. then.
picking up healthy, but there was little smart. And, finally, came to.
compromise - were selected in the cosmonaut to the best of smart and.
healthy.

Seven thousand hedgehogs can kill an elephant, but can not eat. How in the world of senseless brutality.

Computer wizard to call:.
- So, as you have a copper bowl?.
- Nope, but you why?.
- Oh, your printer cover.

The fact that the critical days for the pessimist to an optimist - Pre.

news.
Very frightened ostrich killed a mole!.

Even in kindergarten, kindergarten teacher told us that the boys are trying to thread a needle stick, and the girls to plant a needle on a thread, while forgetting to mention Freud's uncle.

- Honey, we've got something to eat?.
- Go on a horse dick bite, the third day of the mare does not slazit.

Prince Ivan walked and walked in the house around the Frog Princess, everything kept going, kept going, finally got in mind. Removes pants, take a frog and sadit to his 'instrument'.
- Kwa? .
- Family life, - said Ivan.

The woman - a creature that is pleasant to touch, not only outside but also inside.

A lot of girls and did not realize that leaving the punishment for the guy without sex for a week, in fact, leave yourself without sex for a week.

- Today at work we came to the SWAT.
- So what?.
- Almost Gauss: patstalom lay the whole office!.

Gypsy comes to a young girl:.
- Let me tell your fortune!.
- Do you believe in God, believe in it I?.
From Jehovah's witness Roma fought back all the gypsy encampment.

Girl:.
- I did not give him my phone because it was completely untenable in bed.

A man goes through the village, carrying manure. Dumped in one of the courtyards.
The hostess, evaluating the quality of raw materials, admiring:.
- What is a good manure, but you have!.
Man:.
- Duc!. No shit we carry!.

- What better to wash down authentic Mexican cuisine?.
- Tequila.
- A German cuisine?.
- Beer.
- A Italian cuisine?.
- Wine.
- A Russian cuisine?.
- A Russian cuisine does not have to drink and a snack!.

Sitting on the tram a young expectant mother with a big belly. Skirts self- avsem not visible, only the bare feet. It takes the old man on the way out, she smiles:.
- The son will have you.
It all shines and asks:.
- How do you know?.
- See Beard.

Guy goes over the bridge. He looks - she is, jump gathered. He - on the brakes and let her yell:.
- What are you, Mrs.! .
- You do not understand. I have a depression. I do not want to live! .
- Wait a minute! . Upryachu in the hold. We reach Paris. You'll see London, Rome. You will be depressed, and you buete live happily ever after.
and persuaded. Led to the ship and they sailed. Every evening he dropped in to hold it in. He brought her food, water well, and fucked her. And so they sailed two weeks,. One day the captain, making the rounds, found it in the hold. And she prayed:.
- I beg you not to dismiss sailor! . He saved my life. I was so depressed. I almost committed suicide. And he brought me here. He promised that I see London, Paris, Rome. And once again find happiness.
- What is London, a young lady, what Paris? .